Hello!
In excitement for the new BTS single, "Butter" coming out tonight, I want to share an intimate healing moment of mine that I experienced last year from listening to this particular BTS solo song by member V "Singularity".
Watch the music video below with captions to understand the lyrics:
This month of May marks Singularity's 3rd year anniversary. YAYYYYY CELEBRATE!🎉
I've heard this hauntingly beautiful song many times because I'm a fan, but it literally took me the lifetime of the song to realize that the lyrics were SPEAKING TO ME.
My favorite lyrics are:
"Have I lost myself or have I gained you?"
"Tell me if my voice isn't real... If I shouldn't have thrown myself away."
"Tell me if this pain isn't real. What was I supposed to do back then?"
I felt like the lyrics were telling my own story; one I didn't even know the words to myself... til this moment. I realized this was an artful personification of my own voice trapped down below, hidden away frozen, or drowned out nowhere to be found. I realize this was me, who lost connection with my true self. My voice was calling for help and attention. I was busy behind a mask acting for the love of others, at the cost of tending, befriending, knowing, and loving myself.
At that moment, it hit me and I started crying. I was bawling actually.. I felt seen, heard, acknowledged. Realizing this trauma, I now could heal. I could acknowledge the suffering that I kept hidden below. The answer was to honor it and let it go.
What would my life experience be like if I stepped out of this story? What would happen if I step out from under the mask and take my first steps forward and use my own voice for me?
I experienced this moment last year around November 2020, and LOOK at me now! 😜😜
I've faced and reframed negative and dysfunctional beliefs. I've addressed my fears and shown up and connected with my voice here through my blog and by connecting with friends like you!
After a year of the COVID pandemic, I was ready for community and connections. I feel so blessed communications with my womxn friends have increased.
My intentions from earlier this year to create community and lead New Moon circles have manifested and been granted to me.
I am grateful. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.
Sending you Infinite Love,
XOXOXO Toni